RANDOMNESS AND UNCERTAINTY
TIME TO READ: 3 minutes
I’m writing this on a long break between my morning sessions and the corporate wellness program I have later tonight. During the standard midday downtime every personal trainer across the world has, I’ll answer emails and texts, run random menial errands, read, write…whatever.
It’s also during this time I get my “deep work” done. The stuff that requires me to sit my ass down so I can think and plan the moves needed to point my life in the direction I want. Basically, I think about lots of stuff in my afternoons, and today, I thought about shit.
What a strange (by society’s standard) existence I have.
For starters, I have the complete opposite schedule of almost everyone I know. I’m busy early in the morning, free from noon to three, and it picks back up again late in the day.
Controlling my schedule, and thus controlling my time, is something I value over everything else. And I remind myself daily how fortunate I am to have that ability—not because of luck, but because of choice. And so when I look at the big picture of things, I often have nowhere I need to be or anything I need to do. Crazy, really. I can move clients around freely and I don’t have to show up and train tomorrow if I don’t feel like it. (Although I don’t recommend that.) Either way, the buck starts and stops with me. Exciting and necessary for me. Scary and paralyzing for others.
Some days I’m extremely busy and regimented. Other days I’m less productive. But it’s that kind of schedule that has allowed me to realize how much I appreciate, and thrive, off the randomness of things, and, more specifically, the randomness of life. Sometimes I’m worried I’m addicted to it. Like a heroine type of craving. So much good has come from the way I’ve laid out my life that as I grow through life, and become more set in my ways, the warm blanket of comfort and survival is hard to take off.
But there are times I watch the world whiz by, with no agenda, boss, deadline, or quota, and think “What am I doing?”
Maybe I’ve gone too far off the beaten path.
Maybe everyone goes to school and gets a job with a salary, because it’s the right (or smart) thing to do.
Maybe PRYMAL isn’t going to pop like I think it will in the next three to five years.
But today isn’t one of those days. I like being here in my loft, writing for you, at 1:44 in the afternoon. In a few hours I’ll head to a big brand corporate headquarter to train twenty employees in an empty conference and we’ll jam out to the new Jay-Z album. Wednesday I’ll be on a plane to NYC, the third trip in the past two months. Life is good.
So, personally, I think a bit of uncertainty in life is a good thing. It keeps you sharp and engaged. I try not to let those “WTF am I doing?” feelings creep up too often. After all, life is just life—a blank slate that we project meaning onto.